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jmaslows:

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it gets funnier every time.

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dutchster:

when the doorbell rings and i know it’s the pizza guy

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…And please remember that you were beautiful before he told you that you were.

(via sippinpurple)
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darrynek:

lms if you’ve ever drank water or hijacked a school bus

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chapsnats:

if u are about to get stabbed just say “I have too much swagger for the dagger” and they will leave u alone

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